By Christian Mabry | 2/22/2021, 7:19 PM CST
In a last ditch effort to ensure that nothing will fundamentally change, President Joe Biden abandoned his life-long membership of the Democratic Party to join a movement that’s far closer to his heart—the GOP.
In his goodbye speech to the “vote blue no matter who” crowd, Biden told the public that he wakes up every day, looks at Jill, and says “Where the hell are we?”
The newly minted president seemed extremely confused several times during his address, erratically mumbling about “malarkey” and his “hairy legs in the swimming pool,” leaving the audience audibly addled by the unsettling mental imagery.
Before exiting the stage, the sundowning president wished fellow war criminal Dick Cheney a happy belated birthday, formally dedicating the remainder of his presidency to his dear friend.
This article is satire.
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