Neoliberals Can Finally Go Back to Brunch

By Christian Mabry | 11/06/2020, 12:02 PM CST

After three bids for the presidency, Joe Biden has finally won. FiveThirtyEight’s final forecast gave Biden an 89 in 100 chance of winning the election, but before the day was over, things appeared to be a rerun of 2016.

Various betting sites were floored at what seemed to be another massive upset victory for Trump, and his chances of clinching another four years increased to as much as 88% around 9PM CST on Election Day.

Surprisingly, Biden held on long enough to win the war, and if he doesn’t die before Inauguration Day, he will no doubt claim his title of 46th President of the United States of America.

What does this mean for America?

Considering the fact that the GOP managed to maintain control of the Senate, probably nothing.

However, if we take Joe Biden’s extensive, terrible record into consideration, there is a strong possibility that we will end up at war, once again. After all, that’s something we know that both Democrats and Republicans absolutely adore.

Can they not agree on anything else?

You’re right–maybe we aren’t giving them enough credit. It’s safe to say that both parties will continue to work together, fueling the prison-industrial complex and failing to address climate change, police brutality, workers’ rights, healthcare, the minimum wage, homelessness, or anything else that plagues the working and middle class of this country.

Thank God for bipartisanship.

Anyways, cheers to the “vote blue no matter who crowd” for electing another establishment candidate with no intention of standing up for any of us! Mission complete! You can go back to brunch now!

Watch the video above for an in-depth analysis of these topics.

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